Doing it Scared

adapted from a speaking engagement where I was blessed to share my journey....
​My desire to write the two books I recently published comes from a history of struggling to know who I am. Becoming a real author came by accident. I have always been soothed by pouring words onto a page; comforted by releasing those feelings through the end of my pen. Yes, I have only recently begun typing my work. I love the feel of the pen on paper, but one must evolve! Through poetry and journaling, my demons have been confronted and slain. Well, most of them. The writing part came easily. The sharing is where it got dicey. Lots of things held me back from writing for an audience, but the thought that those who knew me before I really knew Christ may judge me, terrified me. Why then did I have the strong urge and even need to write? And why did it always circle back to God and His providence? I believe God has called me to write and teach through my testimony. Scaling the hurtles of past defeats, inferiority, and shame held me back for most of my life. It has become clear that I must overcome these thoughts daily if I am going to follow God’s calling on my life. The enemy is keen to remind us how unworthy we are. We must unceasingly seek God, His guidance, and His wisdom. Obedience to His will overcomes Satan every time!
So let’s talk about identity, again! These definitions are common.

the distinguishing character or personality of an individual.

being or feeling that you are a particular type of person or qualities that make a person different from others.

An individual’s sense of self,  decided by physical and psychological characteristics, social roles, body image, memories, goals, values, expectations, and beliefs.

So if I were to tell you who I am, I may start listing some things…
 I am a stay at home mom, a wife, a Christian, a collector of old things(AKA junk!), an animal lover, a writer, a music lover, a reader, a decent baker, pretty good cook… you get the picture!
But also… I’m divorced and remarried, I had some of my kids before I was married, alcoholism and drug use are prevalent throughout my family, there have been times when I walked away from God, I have been judgmental, I don’t always get along with my family….YIKES!
These are just some things that may identify me, but are they really who I am?
 What I know for sure is that I have spent most of my life not knowing who the heck I am. So the idea for a children’s book transpired because I wanted to provide something for kids that would help them to feel God’s love. I hope to encourage them to embrace their true identities as children of God. Knowing who we are in Christ as moms is crucial for survival is the message of my second book.  Do we believe we are who God says we are, or do we believe who we are is based on our worldly values, what other women say, if we work outside the home, if we homeschool our kids, what church we go to, if we are married or divorced?
I had a wonderful childhood. We were poor, but rich in love . Still, I lived most of my life like an outsider. I never quite fit. I never found my tribe.  I preferred being alone with my pets or a book.  Yes, I had some real friends. Yes, I had a good home life. I was a model student, even a cheerleader!  But the struggle was real. I clawed and scraped to be all I could be, but I never knew who I was “supposed” to be. Always looking up from a self-made pit of inferiority….
During a counseling meeting with a former pastor, I was asked a simple question; one I was frankly astounded by. I had been sharing a struggle that was happening with a peer that, if I am being honest, still stings a bit. I felt misunderstood and betrayed. Pastor asked, ”Why do you allow her to do that to you?” Of course my defensive reaction was,’ “Me?! Why do  I LET her do this to me? “ His calm reply ; “Yes, you are allowing others to treat you poorly. You are lacking in the identity department. When you are confident in who you are in Christ, these things will not affect you.”  He said, because I did not know who I was,  I allowed others to tell me who I was. And I was believing them.
Well, how about that? Was that just a violent slap in the face, or an awakening?!  I got it. It made sense. Sometimes it takes years for a simple and even Biblical idea to take hold, root, and begin to change your life.
 My reaction, my ugly inside feelings, my sadness and even my anger came from standing on unsteady ground. When I am rooted in the love and grace of Jesus Christ, I can take a hit. I can take a crisis. I can take abandonment. I can take criticism. Because He is the solid rock on which I live,  I can stand firm.
Yes, I had felt railroaded, controlled and even ridiculed over the years. But that day was day one of my journey to freedom. I was living my life so far removed from where and what God wanted me to be, and I knew that needed to change.
When we allow the world to dictate who we are, we are lost. And I was!  Here are a few scriptures that speak to that…
1 John 2:15-17 speaks to the importance of not loving the world...
15 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father[a] is not in them. 16 For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17 The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.
 
When we believe that we are who God says we are, we are changed. Here are just a few more truths we find in scripture….
YOU ARE MADE IN GOD’S IMAGE
Genesis 1:27 So God created mankind in his own image,
    in the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.
GOD IS WITH YOU
Zephaniah 3:17
17 The Lord your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
    but will rejoice over you with singing.”
 
YOU ARE GODS SPECIAL CREATION
Psalm 139:13-14a
13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
 
YOU ARE ADOPTED INTO GODS FAMILY
Romans 8:14-17
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father." The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.
I can’t help but be reminded of the day we adopted our youngest. The judge spoke extensively about the meaning… that our son was 100% ours, all inheritances, the family name…an adopted child's status within the family is one of equal legal and familial standing to their biological siblings and children of the same parents.  So it is for us as when we Follow Christ…we become adopted into the family of God.
YOU ARE FREE
Galatians 4:7 7 So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.
YOU ARE A NEW PERSON
2 Corinthians 5:17
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here!
 
YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD
John 1:12
12 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God--
So, through writing journals, blogs and books, I hope to remind all women, all people really,  that we are the apples of God’s eye. We are His masterpieces, created by Him for His glory. Anything is possible when we are in Christ. We don’t have to feel inferior or be afraid of anything WHEN WE ACCEPT HIM AS LORD AND SAVIOR. THE WORLD AND ITS STRUGGLES REMAIN, BUT WE ARE HELD AND CANNOT BE MOVED BY THE WORLD WHEN WE ARE IN CHRIST.
So when I hear the phrase, do it scared, I can relate! I am scared that those who knew me when I was living in sin will call me a hypocrite. I am scared that some in my family don’t believe I am authentic.  I fear that I may fail because I haven’t always walked with God. I am afraid that  someone comes across me or my books on social media and they get a good laugh because they knew me before I knew Christ; because they remember me as I once was.
So I have to do it scared! I move forward scared but always reassured that I am not alone. When I am walking with God, he hears my prayers and keeps me focused on heavenly things, not on the things and opinions of this world.
So with that, I will continue to try to get my books into people’s hands. I give God all the glory for everything I write, and I hope to follow his calling on my life to spread the Gospel to my readers.
After all, when we are obedient to the great commission, we spread the gospel by discipling others any way God calls us to. It may be teaching, hospitality, visitation of the sick, praying, serving in our church. It’s different for all of us. But we have to do it scared! But NOT in fear…. 2 Timothy 1:77 for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
We can’t be afraid of what others may say about us.
God tells us in Galatians 1:10 
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
I’m grateful to serve such an awesome God! HIS OPINION IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS!
Pray this prayer with me…
Heavenly Father, as we go through the days ahead, I pray You remind us to believe we are who You say we are in your Word, so we can share the Gospel freely and joyfully.
 It’s in Jesus’s Name we Pray. AMEN