​I am able to write this only after much prayer, following a humiliating, out of nowhere, kick in my guts took the breath from me. Nothing like an unprovoked and uninvited blow to spin my head around and make me remember who I am and whose I am.

​No man is an island, so they say. But wouldn’t life be peaceful without all the drama that comes with relationships? I say, heck ya! But, the reality is we are a community, and we need to play nice. I always loved the 38 Special song, “Hold on Loosely” as a teenager. It was a reminder that relationships, people and positions are ok to have, but it’s not a good idea to use them as supports that hold us up. Disappointment after disappointment finds its way into our lives. Relationships and roles ebb and flow as we experience different seasons of life, but the pain of change is lessened when our attachment is not an unhealthy one. I define a healthy relationship with people and position as one that is of great importance, but that has a strong buffer between me and whatever or whoever it is.
That buffer for me is God. Deuteronomy 8:3 tells us of God and how he cared for His people when they wandered after freedom from captivity. This is just as applicable today to our lives and our survival.
"He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD.
Now that I can swallow! Nothing I aspire to be and no relationship I desire to have is close to the relationship and trust I have in the Great I AM. He is holy and perfect. Therefore, His love for me is perfect. The foundation of my being is His relentless love for me, His acknowledging me as His child and His desire to sanctify me through His Word. Men cannot love this way. No acknowledgement or title given can come close to representing the value God has put on me as one grafted into His family. Stature, titles and positions cannot fulfill us, only the indwelling of his Holy Spirit. So, while I won’t become a recluse just yet, I am holding on loosely to everything except for the Father. He is and always has been the only thing that is sure and trustworthy.
The apostle Paul said, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things and the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:8) I am filling my thoughts with such things and drowning out the voice of the enemy.
I am grateful today for the healing power of God’s love for me, and for my ability to extend grace to those who hurt me by their lack thereof. That is supernatural! And super magnificent. And God gets ALL the glory.

Most days, my morning thoughts begin with ”I have to…..today.” As I scoop the coffee, pour the water and wait for my motivation starter, I’ve already been defeated. Not even out of the gate, and the indestructible giant of a “to do” list hangs like heavy fog turning my motivation to intimidation. “I can’t possibly finish it all, so why bother?”  The deflation turns to procrastination. “If I can’t get it all done, I will do the bare minimum.” Postponing leads to an overwhelming work load, and the cycle continues.

Because most of my list is not contingent upon the weather, I can procrastinate. There’s always tomorrow.  But I am remembering a time when my list and my attitude were entirely different; when I was a farmer. Yep, I was a happy dairy farmer for 8 years!  Instead of “I have to….today” I remember thinking “I can…today” When the weather was pleasant, there were just short of a thousand things we could do…planting, harvesting, mowing, painting…. When the weather was rainy or cold, another thousand or so options presented themselves. We could repair, maintain, clean, service….There was no time to procrastinate! The first cup of coffee allowed for time to prioritize. “What can we do today’” What must we do today?” Not a thought given to the fact that we would never get finished. Because we never did. And it was ok. When the last tank of milk shipped and the last cow walked out of the barn, there were still things that were not done. But every day was full with effort and the will to accomplish as much as possible. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t exhausted most of those days, but with exhaustion comes accomplishment and those days were some of my happiest.

So today I press on knowing that completing my list is unrealistic, but also knowing there are things I “can “and “get to” to do! And tomorrow there will be more! I “get” to tackle my list because my physical health allows and my spiritual health motivates. So I will! (As soon as I get off this computer!) Thanks be to God!